Tag Archives: Mental Health

Integrating psychological flow in counseling

By Laurie Marie Craigen July 21, 2023

A swimmer preparing to swim across Lake Memphremagog

Laurie Craigen training in the winter of 2022 for In Search for Memphre, an international cross-border marathon swimming event. Photo courtesy of Laurie Craigen.

Last year, I embarked on the biggest endurance swim challenge of my life: I was attempting to swim the length of Lake Memphremagog, a 25-mile swim that starts in Newport, Vermont, and ends in Magog, Quebec, Canada.

This decision led to many questions, especially among my non-swimming friends. The most common questions were, “Why are you doing this?” and “How can you swim for nearly 12 hours straight?” Two years ago, I would have asked myself these same questions. But since I started swimming more regularly, I found something in the water that I continue to seek: a synthesis between mind and body. I feel at one with the water when I am swimming, and I experience a sense of transcendence, a quietness in my mind and a perceived sense of control over the conditions that I am faced with (e.g., wind, waves, currents). It also helps me set mindful intention on reaching a goal.

At midnight on Aug. 20, 2022, I reached the sands of Magog, Quebec, Canada. As I stood upright for the first time in nearly 12 hours, I felt as though I “woke up” to a more confident, self-assured and empowered version of myself.

What I experienced in the water is referred to as “psychological flow,” a cognitive state where a person is completely immersed in an activity. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a positive psychologist, discovered this optimal state of being through his research with a variety of different individuals, including artists, athletes and CEOs. Csikszentmihalyi argued that flow states can be induced in different contexts, including everyday life tasks such as cooking, cleaning, walking and drawing as well as more extreme and high-performance sports and activities.

The physical and mental effects

Psychological flow is sometimes referred to as being “in the zone” or “in a trance.” During a state of flow, one is fully engaged and focused on the task at hand; concentration is at an all-time high. This mind state leads to optimal performance and performing beyond one’s typical expectations, physical strength and sometimes what society deems as humanly possible. Serena Williams, who is considered one of the greatest tennis players of all time, often described herself as “being in the zone” after matches, and Danny Way, an American professional skateboarder, also found himself in this state of flow when he successfully completed a death-defying feat — doing a skateboard jump over the Great Wall of China with a broken ankle.

Csikszentmihalyi brilliantly describes the flow state as existing between the state of boredom and anxiety. In this sweet spot, a person can find a task that is personally challenging yet not so much that it causes frustration or anxiety. For example, if I had attempted the 25-mile swim when I was just starting out as a swimmer, then I would have found it too difficult or frustrating. But because I have been swimming most of my life and have increased my training in swimming long distances over the past few years, this event was a significant challenge for me, but it was also within my skill set.

Laurie Craigen swimming across Lake Memphremagog

Craigen swimming in the In Search for
Memphre marathon on August 2022. Photo courtesy of Laurie Craigen.

Psychological flow can also alter a person’s perception of time — causing time to feel like it is moving faster or standing still. When I was swimming the 25-mile stretch in Lake Memphremagog, I was in the water for nearly 12 hours, but it felt as though I was in the water for only two hours. I have also experienced this time warp in my private practice with clients. Some days, when I am focused and composed, I may see clients for eight straight hours, but it feels as though only an hour has passed.

Psychological flow can make people perceive that they have complete control over their environment, which, in turn, causes feelings of self-consciousness to melt away and be replaced with feelings of satisfaction, increased self-esteem and confidence. And this feeling often occurs regardless of the outcome because psychological flow is autotelic; the experience of the activity is the main goal, not the outcome or achievement.

Steve Kotler, an expert on human performance and the executive director of the Flow Research Collective, has researched the neurobiological impacts of psychological flow and found that the brain is also affected by the flow state. For example, individuals who are in a flow state also experience hypofrontality, a decrease in brain activity in the prefrontal cortex. When the prefrontal cortex is suppressed, the implicit brain (or unconscious memory) takes over, allowing more areas of the brain to communicate freely and more creatively. According to Kotler, states of flow also appear to alter brain waves and neurochemistry within the brain. These neurobiological changes prime the brain for the flow state to be activated.

Although people may experience positive emotions and physiological relief when performing the activity, the psychological benefits of flow exist far beyond the completion of the task. Csikszentmihalyi has noted several long-term benefits of flow, including increases in skill development, overall wellness, life satisfaction, emotional regulation, motivation, and intrinsic motivation and decreases in anxiety and depression. Kotler has also found that individuals who regularly engage in flow states are happier overall, and he believes that for some individuals, flow states can also serve as a major component to healing trauma.

Using flow in session

Although there are several benefits associated with psychological flow, there is not much in counseling literature on this concept or ways to use psychological flow as a counseling technique or intervention. I believe the counseling profession would benefit from taking a deeper look at how to integrate psychological flow within the counseling arena.

As a practicing professional counselor, I have introduced the concept of flow to a range of clients from different backgrounds. I have found that integrating flow-based work is also beneficial for clients struggling with depression and anxiety, and it can serve as a healing mechanism for clients with a trauma history. The flow state often creates a phenomenon where time slows down and allows anxious, intrusive thoughts or painful memories from the past to decrease or diminish. There is also a heightened focus on the present moment within a flow state, which can be soothing for clients struggling with these mental health issues. In fact, when using clinical exercises that stimulate this flow state, I have often heard clients says, “This is the only time when my brain shuts down and my thoughts are quiet” or “I have never felt so calm, and I want to experience more of that.”

The following paragraphs provide suggestions on how counselors can incorporate psychological flow into their work with clients who may benefit from its physical and mental effects. These suggestions are informed by the literature and my own clinical work.

Provide psychoeducation. Counselors can educate their clients on the concept and benefits of flow, including how it helps decrease levels of anxiety and depression and is beneficial for trauma work. I often recommend clients read Kotler’s The Rise of Superman: Decoding the Science of Ultimate Human Performance or Csikszentmihalyi’s Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. There are also several online resources that describe and define flow, such as Ryan Howell’s “Finding ‘flow’ this week” (published in Psychology Today in 2012) and Kendra Cherry’s “5 things you can do to achieve flow” (published on the Verywell Mind website in 2020).

Introduce activities with your client around focus/concentration. One integral component of flow is learning to completely focus on the task at hand to the point that the surrounding world and the concept of time melts away. Thus, mindfulness activities, including meditation, could help prime the client’s brain to be ready to induce states of flow. Additionally, helping a client find or create the right environment — one free of distractions — can help to induce flow. For example, if a client is working on a drawing or painting, the counselor can help them purposefully and intentionally find a space in their living environment where they aren’t consistently interrupted by noises, people or other distractions.

Brainstorm activities to induce flow. According to Csikszentmihalyi, flow can exist between the space of boredom and anxiety. So counselors can brainstorm with clients and find an activity that is both within their skill level and challenging for them. If the activity is too easy, then the client may experience a lack of interest and focus, and, conversely, if the task is too difficult, they may experience feelings of acute stress and anxiety, which would prevent their brain from getting into the flow state.

Choose activities that provide immediate feedback. Csikszentmihalyi said that to activate the flow state, we must choose tasks that have a clear goal and provide us with immediate feedback. Therefore, the activity the client chooses cannot be passive; it needs to be something they can actively participate in, such as drawing or running. Counselors can work with clients to help them find an activity that works well for them. Often, this process takes time and trial and error. After selecting an activity, counselors can also help clients create attainable and realistic goals. For example, if a client chooses to paint a picture, then the counselor could ask them, “What did you learn from engaging in this activity that caused you to change how you are approaching it?” Or if the client chooses to go running, then they could ask, “Was there any time in your run when you changed your gait or the way you approached the activity based on your experience while running?” In our results-driven culture, many of our clients will come to us with an outcome-based mindset, meaning that success is marked by the achievement of a task or by meeting particular benchmarks or expectations. Therefore, as counselors we must be careful not to conflate psychological flow with goal-based achievements.

Create space in the session for flow-based activities. During the counseling session, a drawing or writing activity may help induce flow. Counselors can spend part of the session educating the client on the concept and psychological benefits of flow and then spend the latter part of the session reflecting on the process that emerged during the activity.

Use guided reflection. After a client chooses an activity with goals, it would be helpful to have them reflect on the process. For example, counselors can ask their clients the following questions:

  • How did you feel during the activity?
  • What barriers, if any, got in the way of you achieving a flow state?
  • What was your experience of time?
  • What was your experience of yourself during the activity?
  • What level of control did you feel you had over the task?
  • Was the task too easy or too hard? If so, what changes (if any) would you need to make to help you attain a flow state?
  • Can you think of ways you can consistently induce states of flow into your everyday life?

Helping clients achieve flow states

I often use these techniques of incorporating flow states with my clients, including Julia (a pseudonym). Julia started counseling because of her high levels of anxiety and depression. She described herself as a “neurotic person who cannot get out of her own head.” Often, her anxiety would be paralyzing and prevent her from completing tasks at work or making simple decisions such as what kind of toothpaste to buy or what she wanted to eat for lunch. She seemed to oscillate between moments of extreme anxiety and depressive states where she said her “brain was tired” from working too hard.

Early in our work, I presented the concept of psychological flow to Julia and assigned readings for her to learn more about the topic. She said she was open to trying anything to help her feel better, so we started doing regular meditation exercises during sessions and reflected on the experience and the challenges that the activities presented for her.

As Julia became more comfortable with meditation, we then talked about selecting an activity to practice flow-based work. She defined herself as a creative person who liked to “doodle,” so to induce a flow state, I presented her with various drawing activities that matched her skill level yet were also a bit challenging for her. Together, we found that drawing mandalas allowed her mind to slow down, which eventually let her get into a flow state. In addition to drawing during her counseling session, Julia also chose two nights a week outside of session to draw.

After several weeks of drawing regularly, Julia reported that she looked forward to having time in the evening to relax her mind and that she was “not feeling trapped” in her head like she was before. Although the flow-based activities were not a panacea for her anxiety and depressive symptoms, we found that psychological flow became an effective and useful coping strategy for her symptoms.

Summary

Laurie Craigen celebrates finishing the In Search for Memphre marathon

Craigen celebrates with her support crew after successfully swimming 25 miles across Lake Memphremagog. Photo courtesy of Laurie Craigen

Research shows that flow states often help create a positive mental state for people, and it can also be a creative and helpful antidote for depression and anxiety and an effective way to treat clients with a history of trauma. The benefits for our clients are multifaceted.

In addition, because the demands of the counseling field are ever-changing and constant, counselors can benefit from incorporating flow in their own lives to help combat the potential for burnout, stress and vicarious trauma. Psychological flow has made a big impact on improving my psychological health and well-being.

 


Laurie Marie Craigen is a licensed mental health counselor, an associate professor of psychiatry at Boston University Chobanain and Avedesian School of Medicine, and an endurance athlete. Her clinical work focuses on trauma, grief, anxiety and depression, and high-performance athletes. Contact her at lcraigen@bu.edu.

Counseling Today reviews unsolicited articles written by American Counseling Association members. Learn more about our writing guidelines and submission process at ct.counseling.org/author-guidelines.


Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

Self-diagnosis in a digital world

By Lindsey Phillips March 28, 2022

For better or worse, social media posts about mental health, paired with the ease of Googling one’s own symptoms, are enticing many people to self-diagnose. In fact, a 2021 Vox article, “How mental health became a social media minefield,” asserted that social media is becoming known as the “WebMD for mental health.” 

Some clinicians appreciate the self-awareness that can result from social media postings and online searches about mental health, whereas others focus more on the potential harm that self-diagnosis can cause. Counselors need to be aware of the hazards of self-diagnosis, but many in the profession believe they can also use it to gain insights into the inner world of their clients. 

Micheline Maalouf, a licensed mental health counselor and owner of Serein Counseling in Orlando, Florida, chooses to focus on what she can learn from a client’s self-diagnosis. In her practice, she has noticed more clients asking if they have a particular mental health disorder because of social media content. Recently, a client told her they thought they might have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). When Maalouf asked why, the client explained, “I saw this TikTok video about signs that you may have OCD. I resonated with some of the symptoms but not all, so I’m not sure if I have it. My situation wasn’t exactly like the person’s in the video, but it got me thinking.” 

ImYanis/Shutterstock.com

Maalouf asked more questions about the symptoms from the video that had resonated with the client, and she also educated the client on the process of determining a diagnosis, emphasizing that it is not as simple as matching symptoms from a checklist. Disorders manifest differently for everyone, she told the client, and depend on many factors, including life experiences, gender, race and more. But Maalouf also reassured the client that their awareness about OCD symptoms was “important information … because it could be the first step in figuring out if something is actually going on.”

Maalouf, an American Counseling Association member who specializes in treating anxiety, depression and complex trauma, says she is thankful for conversations such as these for two reasons. First, it means the client has some self-awareness, which is a good thing, she says. And second, it provides her with more insight into her client and the potential issues they need to work on in session — regardless of whether the issues match the client’s self-diagnosis.

Searching for answers 

People are hungry for mental health answers, observes Lindsay Fleming, a licensed professional counselor (LPC) with a private practice, Main Street Counseling Solutions, in Park Ridge, Illinois. They want to learn how a potential diagnosis or certain symptoms are affecting their lives and ways to better manage them. What’s hard, she says, is “when someone is doing that by themselves and doesn’t have a professional guiding them” and helping them understand it.

“A lot of people like to have that diagnosis because it explains [what’s happening],” says Tristan Collazo, a licensed resident in counseling at Wholehearted Counseling in Virginia Beach and Carrollton, Virginia. “Some people think it’s stigmatizing, but a lot of people find hope in it because it finally — for once in their life — explains what’s going on.”

Kaileen McMickle, an LPC and founder of Inner Ascent Counseling in Rice Lake, Wisconsin, often works with clients who are struggling with anxiety disorders. She finds the more anxiety a person has, the more likely they are to seek information about what they are experiencing. “It can be hard to feel so isolated and not know what’s going on,” she notes. “People just want certainty. And with Google and social media, it’s so easy to go [online] and try to make sense of what they are experiencing.”

McMickle specializes in treating anxiety, trauma and OCD, and she frequently sees self-diagnosis with clients who have OCD. They often wonder if what they are experiencing is “normal.” 

“We all have intrusive thoughts. We all engage in safety behaviors in some way,” McMickle explains, “but OCD can feel a lot different … [and outside] the ‘normal’ range of behaviors,” such as feeling compelled to tap one’s car 10 times before going into a grocery store or spending two hours trying to find “just the right” products. “People want to know what’s happening to them; they want to know what they’re experiencing,” she says.

Collazo says that a couple of his clients initially self-diagnosed because they identified with a particular trait of a disorder. Someone may see a video about how controlling behavior and manipulation are traits of narcissistic personality disorder, for example, and fear that they have the disorder because they engaged in this type of behavior once in a past relationship. They might have been upset and accused their partner of not loving them, for instance. Making such a statement can be a form of manipulation used by someone with narcissistic personality disorder, Collazo notes, but he points out that it is also something many people who don’t have the disorder might blurt out in the heat of the moment. 

It is human nature to sometimes relate to a disorder or disease after learning a little bit about it, Collazo says. “We probably all have traits from different personality disorders,” he observes, “but it takes certain criteria to have an official diagnosis, which people don’t often understand. They may have a trait or symptom [from a personality disorder] … but that does not mean they have that disorder.” In his social media posts, Collazo tries to debunk the tendency to self-diagnose based solely on resonating with a particular trait. 

That is why it is so important to help clients distinguish between symptoms or traits and an official diagnosis, says Shani Tran, a licensed professional clinical counselor. If a person sees a post about how an inability to sleep, a lack of energy and feelings of sadness are symptoms of depression, they may assume they are depressed because they are struggling with one or more of those symptoms. But having trouble sleeping could be the result of an array of issues, Tran notes, and not necessarily evidence of a mood disorder. 

Tran, owner and founder of The Shani Project, a group counseling practice in Minneapolis, attempts to personify anxiety, depression and trauma on her TikTok account as a means of educating others about mental health issues. She has noticed people resonating with some of her mental health “characters” by commenting, “Oh, that’s so me.” 

In her online posts, Tran makes a point of saying, “these may be the signs of” rather than “these are the signs of” to underscore that just because someone resonates with a particular trait in one of her videos doesn’t mean that they necessarily have a diagnosable disorder. 

For example, someone can experience a trauma and not have posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It often depends on functionality. “Whenever a diagnosis is being made, there has to be an area of the person’s life” — social life, personal life, work or school — “that they aren’t functioning in for it to be a diagnosis,” Tran notes. Even if someone with a mental health issue is high functioning (meaning they function at a higher level than others with the same condition), thereby making it more challenging to determine a diagnosis, there is often a change in the severity or duration of symptoms from how they were functioning before to how they are handling things now, she adds.

Tran hopes her social media content will invite conversations about mental health and get people who relate to some of the symptoms she highlights to consider talking to a mental health professional. Her book Dope Therapy: A Radical Guide to Owning Your Therapy Journey, which she wrote to help people navigate therapy from start to finish, will be published this summer.

McMickle observes that “when people self-diagnose, they are looking for information about themselves, and that can be a really helpful, positive thing. That might mean they’re experiencing some discomfort or emotional dysregulation and they want to change that.” But given the potential for misinformation online, she also cautions counselors to ask clients where they are getting their knowledge of symptoms and disorders and to be careful about any resources — especially social media accounts — that they provide to clients. 

Potential dangers 

As counselors know, accurately diagnosing mental health conditions is complex, requiring years of education and training to truly understand the nuances. Social media, however, tends to simplify this process and often reduces psychological theories or disorders into brief snippets or common stereotypes. For example, a social media post might boil diagnosis down to “Signs you are with a narcissist” or “Things you didn’t realize were ADHD.” Or a meme may depict someone with “avoidant attachment” agonizing over their choice of either cutting someone out of their life or clinging to the person so the person won’t abandon them. 

These types of posts don’t address the complexity of mental health issues or any new research on the topic, such as how attachment is a pattern and not a fixed state, says Ilyse Kennedy, an LPC and licensed marriage and family therapist. “So, people may think certain things about themselves or may resonate with something without having all the nuisance behind it of what that actually means,” she says. Kennedy notes that it has taken her years of studying attachment disorder and reading several books before understanding her own attachment style.

Some clients who self-diagnose come to counseling wanting to receive that same diagnosis from a professional, but people don’t necessarily think about how certain diagnoses could affect them long term, Tran says. For example, some diagnoses could alter the type of life insurance policy someone can get or hinder their ability to obtain security clearances for their job, she points out. Understanding the potential long-term implications makes her careful and cautious when diagnosing clients, she says.

Tran reframes clients’ attempts at self-diagnosis to emphasize their symptoms. If someone asserts that they have depression, for instance, because they are having trouble sleeping and don’t have much energy, she focuses on those symptoms, which could be because of depression or because of anxiety, PTSD or just daily stressors. “People come to therapy looking for answers, but [therapy] is actually very informational,” Tran says. She spends substantial time asking questions and gathering more information about clients: “Tell me more about this low energy. Is it when you wake up? Does it happen at social functions or when you are doing schoolwork?”

Another problem is that anyone, regardless of their qualifications (or lack thereof), can post what might be interpreted as “expert advice” on mental health issues online, which can lead to widespread misinformation. Even people who are well-intentioned can misread or misunderstand mental health information and portray it inaccurately online, causing others who are simply looking for answers to be misled, says Fleming, an ACA member who specializes in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). 

Social media algorithms, which filter content based on people’s interactions, can also play a role in leading someone toward an incorrect self-diagnosis. The first thing people see when they open up TikTok is the platform’s feed of recommended videos, called the For You page. If someone resonates with a TikTok video about ADHD, for example, and they “like” it, then their For You page begins to show them more ADHD videos. This creates a type of self-fulfilling prophecy, Fleming says, because the person begins to feel that they are “meant” to see the videos.

According to Collazo, this misinformation has the potential to create a nocebo effect — someone develops certain negative or harmful side effects or symptoms because they believe or expect that they will occur. In other words, a social media post saying that people with these particular symptoms have a particular disorder could cause someone to feel that they do, in fact, have the disorder or cause them to engage in behaviors that confirm it.

Given the potential for error when it comes to self-diagnosis, McMickle explores what that particular self-diagnosis means to the client and how it affects the way they view themselves or approach certain situations. Learning about a diagnosis online has the potential to reduce the stigma around it and instill hope in the person that they too can get help, McMickle notes. But if they are self-diagnosing without also seeking professional assistance, or if they are misdiagnosing themselves, then they are potentially stuck in a difficult place and not getting the help they need, she says. 

Potential benefits 

On a positive front, social media can foster a sense of community and belonging for those who are looking for mental health answers. Discovering online videos and communities of other people who share similar symptoms and struggles, especially for stigmatizing diagnoses such as bipolar disorder, can be rewarding and encouraging, says Kennedy, founder of the group practice Moving Parts Psychotherapy in Austin, Texas. 

People typically have a general idea about anxiety and depression, but Kennedy says social media has opened the door for more discussions about trauma and neurodivergence, including diagnoses such as autism and OCD that have often been highly stigmatized. 

Kennedy, who specializes in trauma work and individuals with trauma related to dissociative disorders, recalls that when she was first making her professional website eight years ago, colleagues advised her against mentioning trauma because it was a “complex term” and people wouldn’t understand it. Fast-forward to today, and that advice seems ludicrous because there is so much more awareness around trauma. 

One of the biggest benefits to the rise in self-diagnosis, at least when prospective clients follow up and seek professional help, is that it provides counselors with insight into the client’s inner world and how they perceive their experiences, Kennedy says. She notes that she has experienced more female clients resonating with social media content on ADHD lately in part because people are just beginning to highlight how the diagnosis can look different in women than in men. When clients tell Kennedy they think they have ADHD, she can use their self-diagnosis to help them reframe how they view their experiences. These clients can then consider their difficulty starting tasks through the lens of neurodivergence rather than as an inherent flaw within themselves. 

“Self-diagnosing [online and through social media] can help people identify how they feel and what they’re struggling with,” Fleming says. “It can also be the only place people have access to mental health information.” 

From her perspective, client self-diagnosis can provide more context, and the more information she has about the client, the more likely she will be able to help them. A self-diagnosis of ADHD, for instance, gives her the opportunity to ask about when and why the client feels distracted. Are they bored and having trouble focusing, or are they anxious about all they have to do later that day?

McMickle finds that with OCD, the more insight clients have, the better the outcomes. If they realize on their own that they might be experiencing compulsions, obsessions or intrusive thoughts that are interfering with their quality of life, then they may come to counseling more prepared to make changes to improve their situation, she says.

Online mental health searches can be a slippery slope, however, McMickle warns. People can find useful information about what they are experiencing, she says, but they can also “go down a giant rabbit hole with any disorder or any medical problem” and get lost in the possibilities of what is happening to them. There is a difference between being genuinely curious and wondering “Do I have this disorder?” and ruminating about all the ways that a diagnosis is affecting your life, she stresses. That’s why it is important for counselors to do a thorough assessment and figure out where clients are getting their information and how it affects the way they view themselves and their world, she says. 

The need for validation 

Counselors must be tactful when reacting to a client’s self-diagnosis, always keeping in mind how much courage it takes to seek help, even if the self-diagnosis proves to be off base. Counselors who don’t handle this situation well risk making clients feel invalidated and turn away from getting the help they need.

Validation with self-diagnosis is crucial, Collazo stresses, because it’s likely that other people in the client’s life have told them that their symptoms or potential diagnosis is “just in their head” or that they “just need to put a smile on it.” Therapy is the one place where they can finally hear someone reaffirm that they are not “sad for no reason” and they are
not “broken.”

Collazo first listens and validates clients’ thoughts and feelings about a potential self-diagnosis. Then he explains about diagnostic criteria and, depending on the client’s needs, offers to do a formal assessment. “If their self-diagnosis was right, then great,” says Collazo, “but if not, then counselors [can] offer hope; they can still help the client” get better. 

McMickle also errs on the side of validating clients who come in with a self-diagnosis, even while exploring their symptoms further. If a client states that they have had a panic attack, for example, then McMickle would acknowledge that they’ve experienced some type of pain or discomfort (regardless of whether the occurrence was an actual panic attack). She would also ask about the context surrounding the assumed panic attack, any other symptoms the client is experiencing and what the client knows about panic attacks from online or social media. 

Learning how to navigate a client’s self-diagnosis without invalidating the client is a crucial skill, McMickle says, because the therapeutic relationship is the cornerstone of effective counseling. “No matter what clients come in with — right or wrong, accurate or not — they’re coming in [to] a really vulnerable space,” she says. “It’s so important that we are really understanding and sitting with them and holding space for them so they can continue talking about things that are upsetting to them and come back for better assessments.” 

Collazo acknowledges that it can be difficult to balance validating with assessing the accuracy of someone’s self-diagnosis. He finds that asking questions and remaining curious are good approaches to learning more about what the client is experiencing while maintaining a healthy therapeutic relationship. 

Kennedy also relies on questions to discover more about the self-diagnosis. She may ask a client, “What does it means for you to have that diagnosis? Why does it feel important to have it? Does it help you better understand yourself or better learn coping tools? Does it give validation to your pain?”

Even if clinicians disagree with a client’s self-diagnosis, they can still validate the client’s feelings, Tran asserts. If a client says, “I’m feeling sad, and I think I have depression,” she rephrases the statement by saying, “So, what I’m hearing is you are feeling sad. Can you tell me more about that?” This language allows her to clarify what the client is experiencing and provides her with more insight. 

The need for a safe space 

Recently, after TikTok videos about Tourette syndrome went viral, doctors started noticing an increase in teenage girls who were suddenly experiencing verbal and motor tics. Tourette syndrome tics are unique to each person, so when doctors from different geographical regions observed similarities in the girls’ tics, they started to suspect that social media was playing a role. However, the evidence was anecdotal and overlooked other contributing factors (such as anxiety and stress). Others fear that blaming social media could further stigmatize Tourette syndrome, especially for young women, making it harder for people to disclose symptoms
to professionals. 

Likewise, counselors sometimes forget how difficult it is for people to ask for help, Fleming says. By the time someone calls or is sitting in the counselor’s office, they have typically invested a lot of thought and energy in making that decision. 

Fleming cautions counselors to avoid hinting at any negative reaction they might have to a client’s self-diagnosis. They should refrain, for example, from saying, “Oh, everyone has that diagnosis on TikTok.” Reacting in disbelief or dismissal could be harmful to the client.

To make it easier for clients to disclose potential diagnoses or symptoms that resonate with them, Fleming invites clients to text her anything they might be hesitant to mention in session, such as their eating habits or a potential self-diagnosis of an eating disorder. She doesn’t respond to the text, but at some point during the next session, she says, “You texted me that you wanted me to check in about your eating habits. How’s that been going for you this week?” If the client still doesn’t want to talk about it, Fleming doesn’t push it any further in the moment but makes a note to try again in a future session. The important thing is for counselors to give clients a safe space to bring things up so they can address it when they’re ready, she says. 

Counselors also must be aware of their own preconceptions and stereotypes about certain disorders. Kennedy has noticed that some clinicians may be quick to dismiss a self-diagnosis of bipolar disorder, for instance, because the client exhibits healthy boundaries. Because of stereotypes, even some counselors may incorrectly assume that this isn’t possible for someone with bipolar disorder. Or, if the counselor is fond of the client, they may be hesitant to give the person such a stigmatizing diagnosis.

It is particularly important for clinicians to create a safe, welcoming space for younger clients and avoid dismissing their thoughts and feelings around self-diagnosis. “Adolescents are still trying to figure out who they are, and they sometimes latch on to things that aren’t them” in the process of discovering more about themselves, McMickle says. For example, adolescents often pull away from people, especially their parents, as they form their own identities, but this behavior is similar to traits associated with borderline personality disorder, she notes. So, if they see a video about that disorder, they may worry that they have it and interact with the world as if they do have it.

Kennedy has noticed that with some younger clients, self-diagnosing may be more about needing someone to see their pain or seeking validation from their parents than about being accurate. But it is still important to validate and explore this diagnosis, she emphasizes, even if it doesn’t align with what the counselor is noticing in session. 

From self-diagnosis to self-awareness 

“Self-diagnosing is giving people more [of an] ability to advocate for themselves and say, ‘No, I think I have this, and this is why,’” Fleming says. “It’s giving people a voice within the professional world.” 

It’s also helping to normalize mental health. A few years ago, Fleming often had to reassure clients that it was OK to have anxiety or ADHD. Now she’s having fewer of those discussions because with the increase in self-diagnosis, the stigma around mental health is also lessening. 

In addition, social media is helping people develop a sense of self-awareness related to mental health. “People feel less isolated and have a deeper understanding of themselves,” Maalouf says. Many of her TikTok followers leave comments on her mental health videos such as “This explains so much,” “I thought I was the only one” and “This is helpful because now I understand what’s happening with me.” She’s also noticed (based on comments and messages) that this awareness sometimes results in people seeking out counseling to find ways to manage or cope with these issues. 

Tran has noted an increase in self-awareness among clients and prospective clients as well. In fact, she considers self-diagnosis to actually be “self-awareness around symptoms.” Before the COVID-19 pandemic and the rise of mental health on TikTok, Tran would get emails from potential clients saying they were looking for a therapist and she sounded like a good fit. Now, she’s noticed the emails are more detailed: “I’ve been struggling with sleep, and I want to have a better relationship with my brother. I’m looking for a therapist with these particular values. Are you able to help me?” 

When someone has a general idea of what they are experiencing, they tend to seek out a clinician who specializes in the mental health issue with which they are struggling, McMickle says. This also helps her when she needs to refer someone because it gives her an idea of what type of therapist the person is searching for.

Counselors can make self-diagnosis more of a collaborative process in session rather than viewing it as “dangerous” or “misguided.” If a client comes to Kennedy thinking that they have a certain diagnosis, she goes through the criteria with them and asks what resonates with them. When clients seem to want or need a particular diagnosis assigned to them, she asks about the reasoning behind that. Is it to get accommodations at work or school? Is it to get medication? Is it to have peace of mind and a better understanding of themselves? If clients do need accommodations or medication, Kennedy will recommend a more formal assessment, but if they just want to understand what they are experiencing and find ways to manage it, then she uses their self-diagnosis as a framework to learn more about the client and help them find a treatment plan that works for them. 

“When a client comes in with a self-diagnosis, it’s a very brave act,” Kennedy says. “It’s very brave and vulnerable for them to be testing this theory out with you. It’s brave and vulnerable that they’re letting you into their inner world in that way. It can be such a powerful space in the therapeutic relationship to welcome it [the self-diagnosis], even if you don’t quite see it or even if it doesn’t feel ‘right’ for the client. It still allows us to learn so much more about them and to have a moment where we really welcome their vulnerability and create more safety in the therapy room.”

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Read more in an online companion piece to this article, “The rise of counselors on social media.”

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Lindsey Phillips is the senior editor for Counseling Today. Contact her at lphillips@counseling.org.

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

Three steps to rediscover hope during the holidays

By Esther Scott December 8, 2021

As the seasons change from fall to winter, the rollercoaster of emotions we’ve experienced in dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic for the past two years continues to affect us. Some people are planning holiday celebrations that will make up for the ones they missed last year, whereas others are still dealing with a range of emotions triggered by the pandemic and the state of our global community. But this time of the year also presents a great opportunity to fortify our mental health by rediscovering the hope this season brings.

We saw our lives change rapidly during the holidays last year: We canceled plans, put relationships on hold, moved celebrations to later in the year and modified our traditional celebrations to uphold new social-distancing guidelines. In addition, we experienced a great deal of emotional pain caused by the death of friends and relatives from COVID-19. We also witnessed social problems, relationship struggles, and the loss of jobs and important plans. These experiences are not trivial, and they have had a real impact on our mental health.

In fact, studies show that our experience with this pandemic is already shaping behavior, and some project it will have lasting effects on the basic ways in which we interact with each other and the world. If people are socializing less often, for example, it could affect how they view themselves and how they relate to their community.

Just as nature plans for difficult times — with trees letting go of leaves to conserve energy and ants and squirrels gathering resources to sustain them through the winter — we must also prepare emotionally as we enter this holiday season. For us, planning ahead could mean organizing our thoughts and emotions, which not only allows us to grow in our ability to overcome the emotional and psychological effects of post-COVID-19 changes but also helps us prevent situational depression and be ready to face unexpected turns confidently.

The following mental health plan, which consists of three steps, serves as a valuable resource for emotional protection as we face both the physical and emotional change of seasons, and it can help us turn these experiences into opportunities for growth and rediscovering hope.

Anshu A/Unsplash.com

 Step 1: Understand your emotions.

Our emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, are always telling us something. The Pixar movie Inside Out does a great job at highlighting some of the emotions that help keep us safe: Disgust motivates us to stay away from germs. Anger helps us react to something we consider unjust or threatening. Fear and anxiety increase and prompt us to fight or escape something dangerous. Sadness encourages us to withdraw for a while to rest and heal, and tears signals to others that we need care.

Understanding our emotions helps us realize that what we are currently experiencing is a natural and expected reaction to the present situation. We have lost many things during the pandemic: social skills, connection, income, relationships and loved ones. Our emotions are, therefore, natural responses that appear when we lose something of value to us.

The pandemic has caused many people to reevaluate what is really important in their lives and to make changes. In psychology, this is called posttraumatic growth — a phenomenon in which positive change occurs as a result of struggling with challenging and stressful lives events. Studies have shown that a happy life starts with emotional well-being, and emotional well-being is a result of a healthy mind. That is why it is important to learn to be aware of our emotions, listen to them, take care of them and accept them.

Step 2: Focus on your resilience.

According to a recent U.S. Census Bureau’s Household Pulse Survey, about 41% of U.S. adults reported symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorder during the pandemic. A KFF Health Tracking Poll from July 2020 also found that many adults are reporting specific negative impacts on their mental health and well-being, including difficulty sleeping (36%) or eating (32%) and an increase in alcohol consumption or substance use (12%).

Although these statistics can be discouraging, it is also important to remember that you can focus on your resiliency and ability to overcome difficult situations. In fact, resilience is a psychological trait that can help keep you safe. Resilience can boost your immune response by providing you with an optimistic and hopeful view of the future; you believe your future will be better than your present and that you have the capacity to make that happen.

Psychological studies have found that our physiological immune system can help us not only detect and fight infectious disease but also detect and defend against “emotional infections.” In a similar way to how our body produces serotonin to help us heal from infections, our body can release dopamine, the “feel-good” hormone, to help us heal emotionally.

Throughout the pandemic, counselors, psychologists, pastors and community leaders have all offered advice on how to handle stressful situations and reduce cortisol levels. The most important ones to remember during the holiday season are

  • Have self-compassion and avoid demanding so much out of yourself
  • Stop constantly reading and watching news
  • Keep your internal emotions in check

Step 3: Use a rationalization technique.

Studies have shown that people are prone to overestimate or underestimate situations based on their emotions. For instance, people who are anxious about flying tend to overestimate the risks of flying when compared to driving, even though statistically flying is safer.

But just as fear can spread, hope can also be spread. Be a holder of hope. Make sure you remind yourself of your strengths, confidence and abilities. Crises are usually viewed as negative or dangerous, but they can also bring opportunities for improvement. The COVID-19 pandemic, for example, allowed individuals to find innovative ways to work from home and celebrate birthdays and weddings under social-distancing guidelines. And infidelity may cause a couple to reassess how much they value their relationship, which leads them to form a stronger bond and develop better boundaries.

After the difficult holiday season, we experienced last year in quarantine and isolation, you may feel relief this year because you can celebrate with your family and friends again, or maybe you feel you have personally grown and have a renewed perspective and appreciation for what matters most. This renewed perspective, along with realistic expectations, can be helpful as you move forward. Expect that you will miss the things, experiences and people you have lost during the pandemic. Expect to be emotional as you continue to adjust to the “new normal.” But you can also expect that you can overcome and improve your situation.

Remember that the beauty of the diamond comes from the extreme pressure and heat it experienced. The same is true for us. Just like diamonds, we may have gone through extreme conditions of pressure and heat last year. But we can emerge stronger from this crisis if we focus our energy on finding the positive lessons it gave us and hold on to one another this holiday season.

 

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Esther Scott, LPC

Esther Scott is a licensed professional counselor and solution-focused therapist in Arlington, Texas. Her specialties include relationship counseling, grief, depression, anxiety and teaching coping skills. Contact her at positiveactionsinternational.com.

 

 

 

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

Hard at work

By Bethany Bray August 30, 2021

No employee clocks in to work each day entirely free from personal issues and struggles. However, individuals with mental illness face an extra layer of adversity in the workplace. Simply showing up and fulfilling job responsibilities can be an uphill battle for employees who are bombarded by intrusive, obsessive or critical thoughts; trauma flashbacks; depressive episodes; anxiety triggers; and other challenges.

Adding to the issue is the friction that can arise in a workplace when a mental illness — either disclosed or not — causes an employee to struggle to keep up with their workload or to take time off frequently to go to counseling appointments or tend to their mental health. Co-workers and supervisors can be unsupportive of a teammate who falls behind, sometimes regardless of whether they’re aware of the mental illness underlying their colleague’s work performance, making the situation worse.

Professional counselors can be key allies for clients whose mental health struggles are affecting — or even derailing — their work life. Being an ally includes providing support at an individual level, such as by equipping clients with coping mechanisms and talking through career-related decisions, and at a systemic level, such as by helping clients seek accommodations from an employer or otherwise advocate for themselves.

In these situations, a supportive counselor can normalize the client’s experience, help with perspective-setting and serve as a sounding board as the client talks through decisions and emotions related to work and career, says Meredith Montgomery, a supervising professional clinical counselor in Ohio and an assistant professor of counselor education at the University of Dayton. “It’s also a counselor’s role to know what different [mental health] diagnoses might bring up in a work setting. If a clinician is working with a client who meets the criteria for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), you need to really do the research to know what that can potentially mean in the workplace. But at the same time, don’t buy into clichéd old ideas; look for the newest, updated information and laws that can help support them in a work environment,” says Montgomery, a member of the American Counseling Association. “Ultimately, a counselor’s job is one of support and illumination: to illuminate [a client’s] path, not to create the path, or determine the path, or push or pull them on the path, or shove them off of it, but to equip them with all the information you can to help them make their own decisions.”

A daily struggle

Behaviors that can indicate a client’s mental health is leading to problems in the workplace include frequent absences, tardiness, difficulty motivating themselves to perform their job, or job performance issues such as struggling to meet deadlines or other work expectations, says Amanda Hembree, a licensed professional counselor (LPC) and certified employee assistance professional with a private practice in New Orleans.

Perfectionism can also be a factor, she adds. For example, a client with OCD may miss deadlines or have trouble contributing to team projects because they need extra time to prepare and complete compulsive rituals or steps until an assignment is just right. This can especially be the case in job roles that involve safety, Hembree points out. Employees with OCD may feel they need to check and recheck their equipment, tools and other safety protocols repeatedly, causing them to be late or struggle to complete other tasks.

At the same time, Hembree acknowledges that many people with mental health challenges find “workarounds” to push through the workday and keep themselves from being noticed by co-workers or supervisors.

A client’s workplace challenges may also fly under the radar in counseling sessions unless the clinician fully explores how the person’s mental illness is manifesting across their life, Hembree stresses. Clients may seek counseling for a different presenting issue, such as parenting struggles or communication problems within a marriage, and fail to recognize or acknowledge that work problems can be a contributing factor to difficulties in their personal life.

“Don’t discount work,” Hembree urges her fellow counselors. “Clients are spending 40-plus hours there each week, and it will affect what they’re bringing into the counseling office. Work plays a big role in our lives, and you [the counselor] have to figure out the intersection of why they’re in your office and what is going on at work and what can be helped in both realms. None of us lives in a vacuum. Mental illness will affect every part of a whole person’s wellness — and especially work.”

Seth Hayden, an associate professor of counseling at Wake Forest University and president of the National Career Development Association, a division of ACA, also emphasizes the importance of listening for and asking clients about job-related challenges, regardless of whether their presenting concern involves work. A comprehensive client assessment should include questions about how their presenting concern manifests throughout their life, including their physical health, relationships, ability to engage in hobbies that interest them, and views on work.

If a client identifies work as a source of stress or discomfort, a counselor should explore that further in session, says Hayden, an ACA member who specializes in career transitions with military and veteran clients. This involves uncovering the thoughts and feelings the client associates with their job and how those things tie into the person’s self-concept and align with their core beliefs.

“If work continually comes up in their conversation, let’s stop there and dive deeper, talking more about the work that they do and how they feel about it,” says Hayden, a licensed clinical mental health counselor in North Carolina and an LPC in Virginia. “Have their feelings [about work] changed over time? Do an extensive examination of aspects of career and work and how [they’re] connected to other areas of life. … If you try to artificially separate them [mental health and career], it could potentially be to the detriment of the client … because they are interconnected.”

Asking the right questions

Avoidance behaviors and other signs of distress and unhappiness at work can result from any number or combination of sources, says Montgomery, who co-presented the session “Enhance Counseling Services by Integrating Clinical and Career Counseling Strategies” at ACA’s Virtual Conference Experience in April. She emphasizes the need for clinicians to fully unpack clients’ feelings and emotions about their work situation during counseling sessions.

Montgomery urges clinicians to draw on two foundational counseling skills: asking probing questions and using empathic reflection.

“We [counselors] need to make sure we are asking the right questions. We don’t necessarily want to jump on the ‘you hate your job, let’s get you out of there’ bandwagon. When you pull it apart, it could be a toxic environment, or … a bad fit, or they could make changes to make it a better fit, but often the only option clients see is to leave,” Montgomery says. “We need to explore, explore, explore, explore [the client’s situation] before we jump to any kind of solution formulation.”

When clients talk about how hard work is for them, counselors should use empathic reflection, repeating clients’ statements back to them, to allow them to think through these thoughts, Montgomery says. It may be a knee-jerk response to agree or sympathize with client statements such as “I hate my job” or “Work has been terrible since the COVID-19 pandemic,” but counselors must be careful not to inadvertently reinforce a client’s statement with their reactions, she advises.

Instead, clinicians can probe for details and ask clients to describe the feelings underneath the statements they are making. Montgomery finds that an emotion wheel can be helpful for prompting these conversations, so she suggests counselors keep copies handy in their offices or readily available for screen-sharing during telebehavioral health sessions.

Often, individuals do not fully express their experiences because they do not have the language to do so, Montgomery says. Using tools such as an emotion wheel is a way to increase a person’s ability to better understand and communicate their experience. For example, a client may initially say, “I feel angry at work.” But after looking at the emotions listed on the wheel, they may be able to better articulate their feelings by saying, “I feel underappreciated, exhausted and disrespected at work.” That deeper and clearer understanding is far more beneficial to both the client and the clinician because the solutions to feeling underappreciated are different than the solutions to feeling angry, Montgomery says.

This exploration stage of counseling should also include a focus on identifying clients’ needs and which needs are not being met through work or are being marginalized or curtailed in the workplace, Montgomery adds. For example, a client who is social and benefits from talking through challenges with others may feel isolated and struggle to process things or complete assignments if they’re in a setting where they work alone or are physically separated from colleagues by the office layout. Identifying these needs often provides clarity and helps clients move toward either making changes in their current job situation — such as asking to be moved to a shared workspace or scheduling regular check-ins with their boss — or considering a different position or career, Montgomery explains.

Montgomery first worked in the corporate and nonprofit spheres before switching to a career in counseling. She recalls her own process of adapting to a new role as a counselor educator. After some self-reflection, she realized she craved structure to navigate the varying demands of work as a university professor, and there were some ways she could ask for help and support in this realm from her employer.

Montgomery looked for tools to create structure, such as a whiteboard to make lists and keep notes in her workspace. She also suggested her department streamline processes by creating a master calendar with due dates for evaluations and other important benchmarks. Not only did this modification keep Montgomery from feeling like she was always behind, but several colleagues mentioned that they found it helpful too, she says.

Coping mechanisms

The interconnected nature of career and mental health may cause work-related discomfort to affect clients when they are off the clock. This can manifest in many ways, including sabotaging their ability to get to work on time in the mornings or channeling feelings of frustration or unhappiness toward family members after a frustrating workday.

Amanda Barnett, an LPC who specializes in mental health and work issues with clients at her private practice in Gainesville, Georgia, helps clients who struggle to separate work stressors from their personal lives to build intentionality into their routines. She suggests clients visualize changing “hats” as they transition to and from work. For example, a client may take off their accountant hat and put on their dad hat as they leave the office. For some professions, this transition is literal because employees change into work uniforms or wear a tool belt or other work equipment, notes Barnett, an ACA member. Regardless, she urges clients to take time to center themselves, give themselves a pep talk and be mindful about setting themselves up for the workday or for their return home.

Hembree notes that offering psychoeducation regarding how anxiety manifests in the body and providing tools to lower stress and anxiety in the moment can be particularly helpful with this client population. Breathing techniques can be a useful go-to tool in the workplace, especially because some of these techniques can be used without other people noticing, she says. Hembree, who has extensive experience working with clients through employee assistance programs, often teaches clients “box breathing,” which involves inhaling for four counts, holding for four counts and exhaling for four counts. This technique can be done discretely even when an employee is sitting in a work meeting or preparing for a presentation, she points out.

Another powerful yet simple tool is helping clients realize that they can take a break — even if just for a moment — when things begin to escalate at work. Many clients get so wrapped up in the emotions they feel when they are stressed that their instinct is to dive further into the situation rather than pull back for a moment.

“Unless you’re on a heart-transplant team, you can take five minutes to have a snack, take a break, meditate or do a grounding technique,” Hembree advises. “Even if your boss is breathing down your neck and saying, ‘I need this yesterday,’ you will do a lot better if you take a couple of minutes to ground … and center yourself — and your work will be better because of it.”

Hembree also finds techniques that counter negative self-talk to be helpful with this population. Clients who struggle in the workplace can easily fall into the “comparison trap,” she says. But as is the case when people compare themselves with others based only on what they see on social media, workers see only a portion of others’ lives at work. When a client is bombarded by negative self-talk, a co-worker’s success can send them further down that spiral. It’s easy to compare themselves and catastrophize, thinking that they’ll never be as good as their co-worker, that they are a failure, or that they are about to be fired, Hembree notes.

“Perhaps a co-worker gets praise from the boss. But what [the client] didn’t see is that [the co-worker] stayed up until 2 a.m. to finish [the work assignment], missed their kid’s soccer game, got in a fight with their partner and gave themselves an ulcer to get this modicum of praise from the boss,” she says. “A counselor can offer psychoeducation that others have good and bad days, and you will have a day when you’re the superstar.”

fizkes/Shutterstock.com

Disclosure

The decision to disclose one’s mental illness in a work setting can lead to the good, the bad or the ugly. In a best-case scenario, an employer will respond to disclosure in a supportive and understanding way. Employees whose mental health challenges are affecting their work life can find support in an understanding ally — whether it’s a supervisor or a trusted co-worker — who knows the reason behind their work struggles. However, disclosure in a worst-case scenario can leave an employee open to direct or indirect hostility, misunderstanding, awkwardness, retribution or discrimination from an employer.

“There should be an element of dignity in work and being able to say things without any fear. But [counselors should] recognize that there are precarious elements of work that don’t make it easy for people to do that,” says Hayden, who presented “Career Development and Mental Health in the Context of COVID” at ACA’s Virtual Conference Experience. Hayden and the other counselors interviewed agree that disclosing one’s mental illness at work is a complicated issue that must be considered carefully depending on several factors, including how supportive the overall climate is at the client’s job.

Marina Williams, an LPC in Lexington, Virginia, who specializes in helping clients with work issues, stresses that clients should think carefully about what they have to gain by disclosing a mental illness in the workplace. This issue is even more complicated for clients whose work settings can involve direct or indirect repercussions if a worker is deemed unfit. Those in law enforcement, the military or jobs with a security clearance often feel particularly vulnerable about disclosing any type of mental health issue.

“Discrimination for mental health is very common,” says Williams, who presented on workplace bullying at ACA’s 2018 conference. “I recommend that clients not tell anyone [at work], but the exception to this is if they’re having such difficulty that they need to ask for accommodation in the workplace. But even then, I would limit [disclosure] to human resources.”

Hembree has also worked with clients who were treated differently after disclosing their mental illness in the workplace. She has heard clients talk about being treated like “fragile glass,” being denied job advancement or becoming the target of bullying behaviors such as being called a “snowflake.”

“It would be amazing if we lived in a post-stigma mental health world, but we are not there yet,” Hembree says. “I generally do not suggest that people disclose unless they are in a very supportive or progressive workplace.”

When the question of disclosing comes up in counseling sessions, Barnett encourages clients to think their situation through carefully. She cautions clients about oversharing and making the assumption that co-workers are friends. And she reminds her clients that the human resources department works for their employer, not for the employees. “Everything you say to human resources could go on your permanent record,” she tells clients. “Be aware that they have a duty to the company, not to you.”

Barnett once worked with a client who had mixed results after their boss learned about their mental health struggles. The client was having frequent panic attacks at work. Because the workplace was a closed, secure environment, the client couldn’t step outside easily or bring in personal items to help them cope.

The client’s boss became aware of the situation after a workplace incident triggered a panic attack and the client became visibly upset in front of him during the workday. After that, the client received what they termed “reluctant” support from their boss. The boss wasn’t cruel, but he wasn’t overly understanding either, Barnett recalls. The client’s stress also increased when the supervisor revealed that he was leaving and cautioned the employee that the next boss might not be as understanding to their situation as he had been.

What did help, however, were the coping mechanisms that the client learned and honed in counseling with Barnett, as well as a focus on quelling negative self-talk. Barnett and the client also found small ways that the client could stay mindful and calm during the workday, such as by chewing gum.

Clients who work on-site at a job may need to seek permission to leave for therapy appointments. They may also face questions or comments from co-workers about their frequent absences. If a client feels they need to explain their mental health struggles at work, a counselor can help them figure out a way to ask for leave without fully disclosing. For example, Williams says, the person could tell their boss, “I’m going through something right now, and these appointments are helping me.” It’s also OK to simply say, “I have an appointment” and leave it at that, she asserts.

Hembree agrees that disclosure can involve a range of information and doesn’t necessarily have to include details about a client’s diagnosis. She once counseled a client with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder who had trouble maintaining focus when he had to sit still for long periods of time such as in trainings or meetings. His solution was to stand and move periodically or ask for breaks with the simple explanation that he was feeling “fidgety.”

Counselors can ask clients how they feel about disclosing and how receptive their workplace might be to their mental health issues and to providing potential accommodations. Most of all, clients should disclose at a level that feels safe and comfortable to them, Hembree says.

“Everyone has to advocate for themselves, individually. That’s going to be different for every person,” she says. “For some, they are desperate to remove the stigma of mental health issues and wave that flag for everyone in their office and create a better environment for [all employees]. But that’s not for everyone. You don’t have to pick up that battle. You don’t have to be the spokesperson for depression [or another diagnosis]. You just have to do the best you can on any given day, and that may be disclosing and it might not be, or [it may be] disclosing in different ways.”

Accommodations

Employees may need to disclose a mental illness in the workplace if they are seeking accommodations that would help their situation. Possible work accommodations include being able to leave work regularly for therapy appointments, reducing an employee’s hours or responsibilities, or relocating from a cubicle to an enclosed office for increased privacy and decreased distraction, Williams notes.

Although the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) affords protections for workers, the language in the law guarantees “reasonable accommodation,” Williams points out. Counselors and clients should keep in mind that employers can make a counteroffer or refuse an employee’s request based on how reasonable they perceive it to be.

Hembree urges counselors who are unfamiliar with ADA or the protections it affords to seek continuing education on the topic, do research or consult with colleagues (including professionals in related fields such as human resources) to better support their clients. ADA also has an information hotline (ada.gov/infoline.htm) that counselors or clients can call to ask questions, she adds.

Hayden and Montgomery both suggest that counselors whose clients plan to disclose a mental illness or seek accommodations at work role-play in sessions to help clients gather their thoughts and prepare for the conversation. Hayden advises that it can be helpful for counselors and clients to explore the following questions:

What is the client hoping to gain from the conversation?

How might the conversation go? What do they anticipate happening?

What reaction might they receive? How will they respond to it?

Montgomery encourages clinicians not to make assumptions about a client’s comfort level regarding asking for things they need. Just because a client works in management or a position of authority doesn’t mean that they will easily be able to advocate for themselves, she says. Counselors should also never make assumptions based on the client’s level of education, socialization, cultural background or other factors, she adds.

“Assume everyone is terrified about asking for what they need and go from there,” Montgomery advises. “If we assume that no one is comfortable, then we don’t have to worry about offending someone or leaving someone unprepared because they’re uncomfortable asking you [their counselor] for help with learning how to ask.”

Hembree believes accommodations can be helpful for clients whose mental health struggles at work go beyond being a “nuisance” and truly interfere with their daily ability to do their job. As with disclosure, workplace accommodations — and the process to seek them — fall on a spectrum and will vary from client to client. Hembree says the documentation she has written for accommodation requests has ranged from in-depth reports for clients in government positions to a brief letter confirming that a client left work to see her for an appointment on a certain date and time. No matter the circumstance, she always has clients review the document to ensure they are comfortable with it before she submits it to their employer. She tries to focus her documentation on the client’s needs rather than the client’s problems, Hembree says.

Counselors can also work with clients to explore coping strategies that they can use on their own without having to seek an employer’s permission. In Hembree’s experience, clients have found it helpful to have fidget devices, noise-canceling headphones or calm strips (textured stickers a person can touch to soothe or ground themselves) at their desk. Customizing a workspace by adding plants or using a lamp rather than overhead florescent lighting can also be calming, she notes.

In other cases, employees can ask for measures that would help their situation without framing it as a mental health accommodation, Hembree says. For example, a client may notice that a different workspace is available in their office and ask to be moved without giving a reason.

Making work work

What is the tipping point between struggling at a job because of an underlying mental health challenge and foundering in a position that simply is not a good fit for someone with a client’s diagnosis? There’s no easy answer to that question, Williams says, but “keep soldiering through” is not a solution.

The counselors interviewed for this article agree that finding answers to this question should involve exploration of a client’s identity and how the client feels their job aligns with their identity and personal values. It can also be helpful to talk through the timeline of when a client started to struggle at work and whether that coincided with other events in their life, Williams notes.

Barnett suggests that counselors prompt clients to think about how long they’ve pictured themselves in their current role. For example, they could ask, “Have you always wanted to be in this career? Is it your life’s passion? Or is it simply a way to get dollars in your bank account?”

“You have to get to whether [the job] fits with the core of their identity,” Barnett says. Ask the client, “Is this what you really want to do? Is it your passion? Is it meeting your needs? If not, give yourself that freedom to make a choice.”

Counselors can also offer the perspective that clients don’t have to stay in a career simply because it’s what they studied in school or have been doing for years, Barnett notes. Clients can try out other careers by taking on a side job or working part time and slowly transitioning into another position if it is a good fit for them.

Above all, the client should guide the conversation, Montgomery adds. “Work, like relationships, can be a great source of purpose and meaning and can be a place where we can grow and do really exciting things and fulfill our brain’s desire for stimulation. It also can be a place where we get a paycheck, and we go home and we get all those things in other places [outside of work],” Montgomery says. “If getting purpose from work is really important to you and you want to do that, then make the decision that supports that result. But it’s also OK to just get paid and use that money to do fantastic things in other places. … We get all kinds of messaging that you should be saving the world through work. But the reality is that it’s not true for everyone. Everyone has different needs, and we just need to explore how to get those met.”

 

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Bethany Bray is a senior writer and social media coordinator for Counseling Today. Contact her at bbray@counseling.org.

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

What discomfort can teach you

By Shari Gootter and Tejpal June 16, 2021

Comfort is something we all seek. The notion of “being comfortable” is highly prized (and promoted) in our society. It is considered a major selling point if you are in the market to buy a bed, clothes, a car, a pair of shoes — almost anything. But the overvaluing of comfort in our lives can come at great cost.

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Our relationship with comfort and discomfort is influenced by our culture, our personal history and our personality. If we are born in a tradition in which failure is not an option and social success is the norm, we may challenge ourselves with long hours of work or study to avoid the discomfort of failure. If we are born into a family where depression or anger was part of the daily landscape, we may want to avoid these emotions at any price and dissociate when these feelings arise. Taking a deeper look at our relationship with comfort and discomfort provides us insight on our path toward acceptance and happiness.

Discomfort exists at many levels:

  • At the physical level, it may manifest as a headache, a digestive issue or a skin irritation.
  • At the emotional level, it may manifest as anxiety, worry or depression.
  • At the mental level, it may manifest as constant agitation, an inability to focus or ambivalence in decision-making.
  • At the heart level, it may manifest while experiencing loss, change or separation.
  • At the spiritual level, it may manifest as existential angst, lack of purpose or a feeling of disconnection.

Certain life events can be challenging and unfamiliar. If we are clinging to any form of comfort, we will limit our ability to adapt and grow. Through the years, the overpromotion of comfort, happiness and pleasure has created tremendous distortions. There is no tolerance for any amount of discomfort and tremendous impatience for any kind of pain. When comfort is the only choice, resilience and the ability to overcome adversity are lost.

Running from discomfort

If you want to stay centered and at peace, you need to stop running away from discomfort (or always running toward pleasure). Running from discomfort prevents us from being able to see and feel what is present. It holds us in a false state of reality and never allows us to know our true selves. On the other hand, being uncomfortable teaches us to transcend pain and pleasure, thus allowing us to be true to ourselves. It also allows us to see clearly when challenges occur.

The constant promotion of pleasure and comfort has contributed to the emergence of addictive behaviors. For example, many individuals use food, medication or gaming as a way to soothe their pain or “escape” their stress. This starts with a tremendous obsession of the mind that makes us believe there is only one way. When our mind gets frantic about one thing, there is no room for anything else and our behavior becomes extremely reactive. As soon as we grasp for more comfort, we become intoxicated. Intoxication does not necessarily have to involve a substance such as alcohol. We can be intoxicated with power or greed. As soon as we are intoxicated, we lose our intelligence and our ability to be present.

When you experience discomfort, we suggest that you stay away from labeling it, contracting and wondering when the pain will go away. None of us came to Earth to suffer, but none of us came to earth to run away from suffering either. Every time that you hit your limitations, you have the opportunity to unfold and open.

Mara, one of our clients, was struggling with tremendous discomfort. She was never satisfied with herself and experienced ongoing anxiety about her future. She dealt with her pain by consuming alcohol. After several years of doing this, Mara was no longer able to follow through with much of anything, and she ended up getting fired from her job. This was a much-needed wake-up call for Mara to realize that she needed help. When she first came to see us, she had a strong motivation to rid herself of her discomfort. But as she learned to develop a sense of compassion for herself, she grew more able to embrace her discomfort. Mara came to understand that when she was trying to cover up her discomfort, she was actually opening the door to self-destruction.

Accepting discomfort

Accepting our discomfort is led not only by bravery but by our heart center. At that moment, we choose to accept who we are. Our will does not help to heal our pain; our heart does. For Mara, getting fired was the saving grace. Others may go deeper into negative coping mechanisms that further enhance patterns of self-sabotage before determining to change their relationship with discomfort.

Often, when we experience discomfort, we perceive it as a threat. We want to separate from our discomfort to protect ourselves. When we do this, we create the opposite of what we are looking for. The more we separate from our discomfort, the more we separate from ourselves, and the more pain we experience as a result.

Underneath any discomfort, there is a fear. For some it could be the fear of missing out. For others it may be the fear of not being in control, or the fear of being overwhelmed and losing sense of self.

The longer we numb our discomfort, the more stuck we may feel. The longer we reject our discomfort, the louder our ego becomes. The practice of allowing discomfort is the practice of integration. Integration occurs when we allow our behavioral patterns, traits, emotional states and experiences to come together in a more unified and organized state. Without integration there is separation, and with separation there is distortion.

The purpose of pain is to awaken the heart, not trigger the mind. It is not about overcoming pain; it is about recognizing and being willing to learn from it.

Some spiritual traditions will bring discomfort to the core of their practice. The intent is to teach the practitioner to stay whole while in pain and to prevent the mind, led by the ego, from directing the experience. The focus is not on overcoming pain but rather on surrendering and allowing the experience of pain to expand where it wants to be. It teaches the mind not to separate but to allow. It teaches the mind to go beyond subject-object relationship. At that moment, there is an alchemy happening in the body, and one may shift from pain to bliss because the mind is not locked into form.

The practice of being uncomfortable

Regardless of your spiritual tradition and belief system, meditation is a great way to learn to be still with discomfort. Many people express difficulties when trying to learn to meditate and often give up, believing they are not good at it. The purpose of meditation is not to add pleasure or pain but rather to develop a neutral mind that allows whatever arises. Consistency in a meditation practice paves the way for acceptance and humility, which are two beautiful qualities of the heart.

If you are able to stay still during pain, without hoping for pleasure to come, you are free. If instead of fighting against the pain, you welcome it fully, you will shift and heal. When this happens, you will realize that pain and pleasure are not opposites, but simply sensations; you are now living beyond polarities.

Being uncomfortable does not always relate to pain or pleasure; our own fears and limitations can create great discomfort. To avoid discomfort, we may prevent ourselves from taking risks and put our self-development on hold. Some may feel stuck and have pushed the pause button, whereas others might operate on autopilot by staying with their to-do list. For example, some people may stay in a relationship or job even though they know it is no longer serving them. Both are forms of avoidance.

As we learn to allow pain to be part of our experience, we need to notice other possible scenarios that prevent us from learning about our discomfort. The first scenario is to be attached to our pain, allowing it to become our identity. At that moment, our life revolves around our pain, and this limits our ability to heal and make positive changes. The second scenario is to be uncomfortable with others’ discomfort. This steers us toward being “people pleasers,” constantly focusing on others’ well-being and avoiding being in touch with ourselves. Related to this second scenario, it can also be challenging to be around someone we deeply care for who is experiencing a great deal of discomfort. We may want to “fix it” or change it as a sign of love.

The practice of being uncomfortable teaches us to stay connected with ourselves, to be curious and open. It teaches us to be relaxed and surrender into the discomfort. The more we want to control our discomfort, the more stuck we become.

Allow discomfort to be part of your experience. Welcome it fully from the heart center. At the core of your pain or fear, you will grow and you will learn.

Practices

To become comfortable with the uncomfortable, we invite you to try the following practices. As with every practice, consistency and repetition are key to gaining insights and creating change.

Practicing in itself can create discomfort. It is when you are the least inclined to practice that it may be the most beneficial. Practice teaches you to go beyond your emotional reactivity. As you keep showing up for yourself, it will get easier.

Meditation Tonglen

Tonglen is a meditation practice found in Tibetan Buddhism and used to awaken compassion. Through acknowledging our own and others’ suffering, we open our hearts.

  • Sit in a comfortable position. Lengthen your spine and draw your shoulders down your back. Soften your face and jaw. Close your eyes.
  • Connect to one part of you that is in pain at a physical, emotional, mental, heart or spiritual level.
  • Notice the quality of your pain.
  • Imagine all of the people with a similar experience and inhale their pain. Do not be afraid to “inhale” others’ pain. You will not get more pain. In fact, you may feel some relief.
  • Exhale; send relief.
  • Repeat the process for at least three minutes.

Journaling

Some of you may be really reluctant to start this practice and others may simply love it. The benefits of journaling are priceless. It helps you process emotions or situations with more awareness and clarity. It is a safe container to express your voice. Research on journal writing therapy indicates positive outcomes related to identifying emotions and feelings and reducing stress. It can be a catalyst for change and healing.

  • Think of something that makes you uncomfortable. Is this new or old? What are the main emotions you are experiencing? What behaviors or strategies have you implemented? What did you learn about yourself?

Take action

Taking action is where the true learning takes place. You get an opportunity to truly assess your relationship with discomfort and stretch yourself.

  • Do something outside of your comfort zone.

 

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This article is based on a chapter from our book WAY TO BE – 40 Insights and Transformative Practices in The Heart of Being. For more information, go to www.40waystobe.com.

 

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Shari Gootter is a licensed professional counselor and certified rehabilitation counselor with decades of experience in designing and leading workshops for diverse populations. Her focus has been on helping people shift while going through losses or adjustments. She has also created programs for counselors that assist them in developing a framework that supports lasting transformation. Shari is a therapist in private practice and has taught yoga for decades. Contact her at sharigootter@comcast.net.

Tejpal has over 30 years of experience supporting individuals on their journey toward healing, life purpose and real joy. Tejpal blends her intuition, energy healing, creative processes, life coaching and yoga into her work. Tejpal was born in France and moved to the U.S. 25 years ago. She has worked with people from many cultures and traditions.

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